Olympic commentary moments

I should remember to write these down when I hear them—inadvertently dirty-sounding sports commentary. The first one I think I'm quoting accurately:

During one of the women's swim events: "She's going to be playing with this girl for the next 150 meters."

Then there was one during men's gymnastics about a certain pommel horse technique—it started with "This is called a Russian grip" and involved the words "squeeze," "hard," and "long," but I don't remember exactly how they were put together.



A non-Olympic one that's always stuck with me:

During the NCAA basketball tournament: "For a big man, he has such soft hands."

(It only makes that sound dirtier if I add that the commentators were talking about the player's, um, ball-handling abilities.)



Okay, I'm easily amused. It's surprising how easy I am to amuse when I've been watching sporting events from 5 a.m. till after midnight...

Office exchange of the day

Oy, it's been one of those days around the office...

Me: Why is everyone we work for crazy?



Manager: Because the people who are good don't need us.

Oh, the (relative) shame of it

My favorite McGreevey-related piece of humor so far: an Onion sidebar headline (one of the ones that doesn't actually link to anything), "Homosexual Tearfully Admits To Being Governor Of New Jersey."

Ribbit!

I finally got up the nerve to sign up for the Blogging Ecosystem, and I'm not nearly as far down the food chain as I feared. I'm on the cusp between Flippery Fish and Crawly Amphibian; I'm just glad to be high enough to have a spinal cord and a central nervous system. Since "zhaba" means "frog," I'm perfectly happy at the amphibian level; just gotta watch out for the herons...

This is my brain on news

If I saw this headline at home on TV, I'd be able to say my snarky comment to J.; but I'm reading it online, and there's no one to say it to, so just file this under "Thinking to the Web site":

AP Entertainment headline: Report: Michael Jackson Not 'Manhandled'



My thought: No, the problem is he was boy-handled.

(I know, I know, I'm so bad. And innocent-until-proven-guilty blah blah. But my brain just does these things, I can't help it.)



(My personal favorite Jacko-related talk-back: news reporter, "Jackson's family says they'll stand behind him"; me: "But they won't stand in front of him.")

Talking to the TV

While watching news clips of Dubya visiting hurricane-flattened communities in Florida and promising government assistance*:

Me: Finally, homeless people George Bush doesn't mind helping.

Yeah, I know, I'm just too cynical to live...



* The link actually goes to the official White House transcript of Prez Bush's remarks to reporters while he was in hurricane-flattened Punta Gorda, but that link will stay live longer than any actual TV news story. (I love me those White House transcripts; you get the whole speech, not just the soundbites, and no one can accuse you of misquoting. [At least not without accusing the White House transcript service of misquoting.])

White Trash quiz

Via No Fancy Name (than whom I am 2% trashier):

I AM 13% WHITE TRASH! I, my friend, have class. I am so not white trash. I am more than likely Democrat, and my place is neat, and there is a good chance I may never drink wine from a box. Take the WHITE TRASH test at Fuali.com

Yes, I mostly vote for Democrats, and you can usually see either the floor or the surface of the coffee table (and sometimes both at once); but hey, don't diss my boxed wine. I'd like you to show me a better way to drink less than 150ml at a time without the rest going sour. Or to be able to use half a cup for risotto or pasta sauce without having to open, and then finish, a $10 bottle. (It's nice to have an opportunity to finish a bottle, but not practical on a weeknight.) And no empty glass bottles to trip over till recycling day; when you finish the box, just cut up the cardboard, stuff it in the trash can, and never think about it again. You can have my 5-liter box of Almaden Chardonnay when you pry it out of my crystal-stemware-clutching hand.