It occurred to me that one of the reasons I was so depressed during the week was that I was exhausted from staying up too late and getting up too early, and that being tired didn't improve my work any. So yesterday I slept until 1:30; had breakfast (J. made pancakes); went back to sleep till 3:30; then went out for dinner (my grandparents' 62nd anniversary—God bless 'em!). I forget what time I got to sleep last night, but today I slept until 3:30. Yes, I am being very lazy; but I'm not tired anymore, at least...
Today is J.'s birthday; he's 44. (Yes, that makes him 16 years older than me.) We don't particularly feel like going out and doing anything, but we have some steaks and red potatoes and broccoli, so I'll cook them for dinner. (Yes, cook! If I remember how!) And try to get to sleep at a reasonable hour and wake up at a reasonable hour for another work week...a short one, though, since July 4th is Friday. (Last night was the first round of fireworks; July 4th in Philadelphia is a big deal, and there are all kinds of festivities for days on end.)
Yikes, almost 7 p.m.; better see about starting dinner. Bon soir.
Sunday, June 29, 2003
Friday, June 27, 2003
Feh.
Yeah, it was one of those days. Except for the monumental coolness of the Supreme Court decision, it largely sucked. (Well, at least sucking is legal now...)
On Wednesday we had one of those "Why are we screwing up?" office meetings, and one of the issues was the personal Internet use policy. Some of us (um, yeah, me...) had been using it too much, and the new policy was "before work, after work, and at lunch." Well, yesterday I was not exactly abiding by that, and I got a personal e-mail about it from my manager. I apologized, of course, and reminded him that I have ADD, and asked if I could have a mid-afternoon e-mail break. It's a loooooooooooong stretch between 11:30 and 4:30 (or 5, or 5:15, as is increasingly usual), and I absolutely depend on having a snack, taking some Ritalin, and e-mailing J. around 2:30 or 3. This apparently required a conference with my boss, and I was finally granted a 15-minute break, and I had to say when it was going to be. So I did, and I've been good so far today. But I felt pretty crappy. I really hate being in trouble, and I'm constantly worried about being fired (I guess it's not likely, but I worry), and there was a "discussion" about this last year. And I was getting the feeling that the point of addressing the question in the meeting with the whole office was specifically directed at me. Anyway. I was very good for the rest of the day.
We finally, after two and a half years, got an air conditioner in my part of the office. Except it rattles like crazy. I guess that's preferable to blazing heat, but still, it doesn't improve the atmosphere, or my mood, any.
So I finally got home, and finally got around to reading Harry Potter #5 (I actually got it on Wednesday, but about five pages in realized I needed to reread #4.) And it's good, but it's not very cheerful. I immersed myself in it for hours, during which, in the back of my mind, I felt worse and worse about work. It got to the point that, when J. opened the bedroom door, I screamed and jumped and dropped the book. And then burst into tears. And, feeling stupid, told him how bad (and stupid) I was feeling about work. And how hard it is for me not to be able to use the Internet; as previously mentioned, I have ADD, and I just can't concentrate on one thing for hours at a time. Wound up staying up till 1:30 or so, the third night in a row I've been up past midnight. Had really wretched dreams (including one where I had to walk to work and somehow went blind and got there and was in my bathrobe and couldn't use a computer and fell asleep on my desk [the dream ended just as I was getting fired], and another where I was trying to get the police to arrest a serial killer but they wouldn't and I had to show them the body of the latest victim).
So I woke up this morning, exhausted, wanting to do anything but go to work. Cried into my coffee, feeling stupid again. Got here, was very good about the Internet thing, and I guess I'm doing okay on my probation. Still feeling bad about it, though.
We have a cleaning lady, for the first time since I started working here, and it's nice to have clean floors and desks; but she used a very noxious and smelly chemical, and it gave me a headache. And fresh air isn't an attractive option, since it's fucking hot and humid out there.
Okay, sorry for going on and on about my not-all-that-dreadful misery. I could have worse problems, obviously. But I feel like crap and I'm tired and I'm sick of everything and I suppose I should talk to my psychiatrist about upping my antidepressants...
On Wednesday we had one of those "Why are we screwing up?" office meetings, and one of the issues was the personal Internet use policy. Some of us (um, yeah, me...) had been using it too much, and the new policy was "before work, after work, and at lunch." Well, yesterday I was not exactly abiding by that, and I got a personal e-mail about it from my manager. I apologized, of course, and reminded him that I have ADD, and asked if I could have a mid-afternoon e-mail break. It's a loooooooooooong stretch between 11:30 and 4:30 (or 5, or 5:15, as is increasingly usual), and I absolutely depend on having a snack, taking some Ritalin, and e-mailing J. around 2:30 or 3. This apparently required a conference with my boss, and I was finally granted a 15-minute break, and I had to say when it was going to be. So I did, and I've been good so far today. But I felt pretty crappy. I really hate being in trouble, and I'm constantly worried about being fired (I guess it's not likely, but I worry), and there was a "discussion" about this last year. And I was getting the feeling that the point of addressing the question in the meeting with the whole office was specifically directed at me. Anyway. I was very good for the rest of the day.
We finally, after two and a half years, got an air conditioner in my part of the office. Except it rattles like crazy. I guess that's preferable to blazing heat, but still, it doesn't improve the atmosphere, or my mood, any.
So I finally got home, and finally got around to reading Harry Potter #5 (I actually got it on Wednesday, but about five pages in realized I needed to reread #4.) And it's good, but it's not very cheerful. I immersed myself in it for hours, during which, in the back of my mind, I felt worse and worse about work. It got to the point that, when J. opened the bedroom door, I screamed and jumped and dropped the book. And then burst into tears. And, feeling stupid, told him how bad (and stupid) I was feeling about work. And how hard it is for me not to be able to use the Internet; as previously mentioned, I have ADD, and I just can't concentrate on one thing for hours at a time. Wound up staying up till 1:30 or so, the third night in a row I've been up past midnight. Had really wretched dreams (including one where I had to walk to work and somehow went blind and got there and was in my bathrobe and couldn't use a computer and fell asleep on my desk [the dream ended just as I was getting fired], and another where I was trying to get the police to arrest a serial killer but they wouldn't and I had to show them the body of the latest victim).
So I woke up this morning, exhausted, wanting to do anything but go to work. Cried into my coffee, feeling stupid again. Got here, was very good about the Internet thing, and I guess I'm doing okay on my probation. Still feeling bad about it, though.
We have a cleaning lady, for the first time since I started working here, and it's nice to have clean floors and desks; but she used a very noxious and smelly chemical, and it gave me a headache. And fresh air isn't an attractive option, since it's fucking hot and humid out there.
Okay, sorry for going on and on about my not-all-that-dreadful misery. I could have worse problems, obviously. But I feel like crap and I'm tired and I'm sick of everything and I suppose I should talk to my psychiatrist about upping my antidepressants...
Thursday, June 26, 2003
Yeeeeeeeeee-haaaaaaaaaaaaw!
The Supreme Court struck down the Texas sodomy law.
I cannot begin to express how terrifically happy this makes me. It's the best news I've heard from the federal government since...um, since...um, I'll get back to you on that one.
If I weren't at work, I'd be popping the champagne.
Update: I e-mailed J. about it; his response: "Well, fuckin' A!" So to speak...
I cannot begin to express how terrifically happy this makes me. It's the best news I've heard from the federal government since...um, since...um, I'll get back to you on that one.
If I weren't at work, I'd be popping the champagne.
Update: I e-mailed J. about it; his response: "Well, fuckin' A!" So to speak...
One of those days
Yes, it's gonna be one of those days. I was up late again last night, and had to wake up early this morning, because workmen were supposed to come and change our kitchen window so we could get an air conditioner installed downstairs. (We have them in the bedroom and the office, but not the rest of the house.) And obviously I didn't want to be in bed naked when they showed up. Except, after I'd already awoken at a hideously early hour, they called to say they weren't coming. Maybe Tuesday. Till then, I guess we'll just live upstairs.
Due to being incredibly tired, I forgot to take my morning medications, I left my cell phone on the kitchen table, and, when I got to work, I realized I'd also forgotten to put on deodorant. Which would be slightly less of a big deal if I wasn't wearing a sleeveless tank top. Also it's 86° at 9 a.m. and the humidity is 69%. It's like walking into the shower in a gym locker room. And not a clean shower, either; this is South Philly air we're talking about. Oh well; the office is reasonably cool, and I'm almost done the project I'm working on, which will provide some degree of satisfaction. (And I won't have to work on a medical book again for a while, which is a very good thing indeed.)
Okay, work now. Coffee now, too.
Due to being incredibly tired, I forgot to take my morning medications, I left my cell phone on the kitchen table, and, when I got to work, I realized I'd also forgotten to put on deodorant. Which would be slightly less of a big deal if I wasn't wearing a sleeveless tank top. Also it's 86° at 9 a.m. and the humidity is 69%. It's like walking into the shower in a gym locker room. And not a clean shower, either; this is South Philly air we're talking about. Oh well; the office is reasonably cool, and I'm almost done the project I'm working on, which will provide some degree of satisfaction. (And I won't have to work on a medical book again for a while, which is a very good thing indeed.)
Okay, work now. Coffee now, too.
Wednesday, June 25, 2003
Q&A
Q: It's late in the afternoon, I've been working my tail off since my all-too-brief lunch break, I've just finished a file with 259 items to bookmark and link, and I just want to take a few minutes off and update my blog. What time is it?
A: Time for my entire site to go down.
Okay, that was an easy one.
Q: It's the end of a long workday, it's over 90° and about 40% humidity, and I'm heading home on a non–air-conditioned bus. What time is it?
A: Time for the bus to break down.
Just far enough from home that I didn't want to get off and walk (did I mention the heat? and I was wearing five-inch heels, besides), so I sat and the bus sat and fifteen minutes later finally started moving again.
And now I'm home and I'm too hot and tired to write anything else at the moment. Maybe later. I'll be somewhere air-conditioned with a cold cocktail if anybody needs me.
A: Time for my entire site to go down.
Okay, that was an easy one.
Q: It's the end of a long workday, it's over 90° and about 40% humidity, and I'm heading home on a non–air-conditioned bus. What time is it?
A: Time for the bus to break down.
Just far enough from home that I didn't want to get off and walk (did I mention the heat? and I was wearing five-inch heels, besides), so I sat and the bus sat and fifteen minutes later finally started moving again.
And now I'm home and I'm too hot and tired to write anything else at the moment. Maybe later. I'll be somewhere air-conditioned with a cold cocktail if anybody needs me.
Yawn, again
It's Wednesday, my third-favorite day of the week. My favorite is Saturday, because I can sleep in and stay up late and drink as much as I want to without worrying about going to work with a hangover. My second-favorite is Friday, because it's the day before Saturday, and I can stay up late. And then there's Wednesday. It's the middle of the week—Humpday, or, as J. refers to it, Yom Dingus—and once you get through it, it's downhill to the weekend. And the Onion comes out, and I usually get TV Guide, and it's trash day.
Today, however, is stinking hot. The forecast is a high of 98°. Yuck. Three of my least favorite words: Excessive Heat Warning. This morning, J. said "I know it's summer when taking a shower makes me sweat."
Also this morning: after staying up way too late, we were both very tired this morning, and spent more time than usual lying around in bed before getting up to get ready for the day. Finally, J. said "We must make progress." I said, "Okay, I'll invent the wheel, and you discover fire." (J.: "Hey, I got the hot one.")
Last night, J. added some information to my decorative parasite idea. He said ticks can feed for several days, so your parasite jewelry would definitely last through a night of clubbing. However, ticks will wander around quite a bit before settling on a place to dig in, so it would be difficult to get your parasite where you wanted it. (No, I'm not really serious about this idea, but I like to be thorough in my sarcasm.)
Oh my God, am I tired. I stayed up last night to watch Liz Phair on the Tonight Show; I'll post about that/her later. Now, work. Really. Work. I'll keep my eyes open and everything.
Today, however, is stinking hot. The forecast is a high of 98°. Yuck. Three of my least favorite words: Excessive Heat Warning. This morning, J. said "I know it's summer when taking a shower makes me sweat."
Also this morning: after staying up way too late, we were both very tired this morning, and spent more time than usual lying around in bed before getting up to get ready for the day. Finally, J. said "We must make progress." I said, "Okay, I'll invent the wheel, and you discover fire." (J.: "Hey, I got the hot one.")
Last night, J. added some information to my decorative parasite idea. He said ticks can feed for several days, so your parasite jewelry would definitely last through a night of clubbing. However, ticks will wander around quite a bit before settling on a place to dig in, so it would be difficult to get your parasite where you wanted it. (No, I'm not really serious about this idea, but I like to be thorough in my sarcasm.)
Oh my God, am I tired. I stayed up last night to watch Liz Phair on the Tonight Show; I'll post about that/her later. Now, work. Really. Work. I'll keep my eyes open and everything.
Tuesday, June 24, 2003
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